Friday, December 15, 2000
I am feeling really gay today, although that's not all that unusual. Ahhh! A weee bit spunky, as there is nothing so invigorating as a good haircut from the barbershop, getting your head buzzed down is an underrated event. The kind of lost workmanship where they clipper your hair, buzzing shears, the artistry of the straight edge, swiping off near the neck and ears, praying to God they are accurate. Hot towels and lather, don't forget the Pinaud Clubman but no 'HairTonic' thank you. I feel fancy, and for the first time I 'know' the meaning of the term 'Dandy'. I'm definitely working a look that can only be described as 70's nerd boy, pork chop sideburn chic meets white riot punk rock vegan art fag with muscles, Nuff said. It is hotter than Hell in here, the steam heat is blasting as I sit in my tighty whities typing. My waist is down to 30, since I gave up dairy. No milk, no cheese, NO GMOs (growth hormones) blecha!!! Do we really need to add that to our milk? Perhaps there is a mad dairy farmer somewhere, intent on creating a master race of giant milk consumers. Fine example of beefcake My pecs are so sore from my workout, very tender, it even hurts to run down the stairs argh ouch! Funny, how aware you become of your body when you push it. I usually don't get sore from lifting, but yesterday I was feeling relaxed and exceptionally motivated so I pushed hard. Thanks to my workout partner Johnny Bravo Jr a.k.a. my boyfriend, who pushed the bejesus out of me on incline bench. I got him back on cable flys though so we we're even. Doesn't this sound butch, please don't revoke our membership cards yet, we really did succeed in making this look as gay as possible. I'm not one of these steroid abused circuit queens obsessed with my 'look' but I am seriously into my 'lifts', it's so cathartic. For some odd reason I always think of my friend Hank when I lift, can I out lift Hank? Yea, I'm sure I can. I know, I always try to think of Black Flag although it was great that the gym was playing some old David Bowie while we lifted, good motivation. Hmmm... I am beginning to think that the key to looking hot isn't how much you lift, but can you drop your body fat low enough to show what muscle you 'do' have. In reality, looking good or sexiness isn't so much about a great body, although that's hot too, it IS about; brilliance, courage, kindness, confidence, sense of delight in life, a joi de vivre, la dolce vita, as it shows up at the most unexpected moments, read on the face of so many friends and strangers. Because I haven't yet written about friends or family, I would like to take this time to say hello to my best friend Dave, Umm...Make yourself a nice 'sidecar' dear, and call me after 4! Second to the gym and lifting, I love to collect vintage vinyl, mostly old jazz, soul, tons of cheaply had old disco recordings like van McCoy, Sylvester, Divine, some Punk, Post Punk, Techno Pop, Electronica, New Wave, No Wave, House, Rare Groove and Garage. The Punk and New Wave items are getting a bit pricey as the trend picks up for the 80s. If you are thrifty and patient, great albums can be had for as little as 50 cents. Near Carnegie Mellon University (Pittsburgh) there are a few used record shops that are worth a visit. Recent purchases include: The Best of Flip Wilson for sampling, Black Flag's 'Damaged', Dionne Warwick with Burt Bacharach, The Clash 'London Calling', The Germs and the soundtrack to Harper Valley P.T.A. on, I kid you not; lime green vinyl. Miss Jeanne C. Riley cause she was a Harper Valley widowed wife, I also picked up the Buzzcocks CD titled 'A Different Kind of Tension Parts 1-3' a great band, they remind me of my time in art school. Thinking about life a few years ago, I wrote the following in the car riding back from Penn....
Late night drive downtown, disenchanted catholic youth, pissed out of my brain, lonely and gay. Posted flyers in this run down town look like ransom notes. Burning like battery acid, structures fly by, the cold car moving forward, propelled by an industrial strength anxiety. Angry, with constant headaches, a nervous energy that's never been lost, hiding it well. Paint on my hands, art school stigmata, scabs and flakes. My leather coat and jeans, I am so Jim Stark I say to myself; where is my Plato? Everyone should have a Plato. Distracted by road signs, I can feel the change in my worn out pocket, money for beer and a round of pool. Motoring through a burned out landscape, parking lots and deserted alleyways. Cold, cold as hell here, always cold as hell, shivering off the annoyance. No paradise, no closeness, just abstraction and pain, misunderstanding and shouting. Hot punk rock boys, shaved heads, my tattooed love boys in jeans and tight white T-shirts, hanging out, freezing with red noses and smokes. Angels taken and smitten by music, art, and other boys. I often feel lost, so lost at times, and so found at others. I can hear the band ending their set, The jukebox plays the Buzzcocks 'I Believe', sometimes I think it's not so bad here, not so awful bad when the sun goes down you can barely see the flaws. I make excuses for the ugly buildings, the factories and dirty streets that look so bleak. I have to explain to you so you will know, and you can say that you know what it sometimes feels like, to walk home alone past the Ladies Polish Hall at 3:00 a.m..
I smile when I read this small paragraph, if only for personal pleasure, although it is an accurate portrayal of how I used to feel about life. Thankfully I am no longer so serious, having grown a little in life and love, I have learned to laugh at myself. I am no expert, still learning and what not, I make mistakes but alas, I am always in the game. A good reason to blog, create and share, trying not to be so damn serious, brooding and insular. I can be one cranky fuck when i want to be, and not that life has to jack the shit out of me, but hell, it's not always about personal angst, right?
6:51 PM :

Wednesday, December 13, 2000
Stealth Homophobia or What a Bush Administration Will Mean for Gays.
3:50 PM :

Tuesday, December 12, 2000
You too will experience the most auspicious joy of Japanese Snacks Perhaps your preference is for Chelsea Candy a yogurt scotch (a kind of yummy yogurt/sweet flavor candy) or delicious and unusual Kasugai Green Tea Candy for a pure taste sensation like no other. Rock out to Shonen Knife's 'Twist Barbie' while munching on fabulously cute Saku Saku Panda Candy (cookies in the shape of Panda faces that even have different panda expressions embedded in the chocolate backing!) I am personally fond of the utterly kawaii! (Cute) Every Burger candy, little cookies that look exactly like shrunken cheeseburgers-Chocolate "meat" and cookie "bun" with a hint of sesame! Mmmm! Super Fantastic graphic design and product packaging!
12:53 PM :

Monday, December 11, 2000
YOU'R FUTURE DREAM IS A SHOPPING SCHEME-The Sex Pistols
11:29 PM :