A friday tale of canned processed pork luncheon loaf, available in the handy 7oz. size or the bigger 12oz. family size. What else have you got? Well, there's egg and bacon; egg, sausage and bacon; egg and spam; egg, bacon and spam; egg, bacon, sausage and spam; spam, tomato and spam; spam, spam, spam, egg and spam; (Do I hear Vikings singing in background) spam, spam, spam, spam, spam, spam, baked beans, spam, spam, spam and spam. How about something without spam? Spam Fettuccine Primavera made with one box of mac and cheese, one can of spam, and one cup of Tang, doesn't have much spam. I don't like spam. Lovely spam, wonderful spam, how about a spam-ku with spam? Spam novel with spam? Spam fact or perhaps some spam news, step into the spam gift-o-rama; spam boxers redefine miracle meat in a can.
10:53 AM :

Thursday, June 13, 2002
I continue to love the BBC's new ident 'Rush Hour' which features super-sexy frenchman David Belle's acrobatic ballet, leaping from one London rooftop to another. (View Ident) Loads of bounding and bracing betwixt buildings and buttress make for one exciting global adrenaline rush. Belle is the acknowledged guru of the newest urban sport in France known as 'Le Parkour'. Part dance, part philosophy, it consists of finding new and often dangerous ways to navigate the concrete landscape-scaling walls, roof running and leaping from buildings. 'Parkouristes' became famous last year when Belle and friends were featured in the film of the same name by director Luc Besson.

Show_Studio plunges into summer with an update featuring supermodel and former Miss Niagara Falls: Linda Evangelipstick working her accordion magic-'Lady of Spain I adore you!' Fashion designer Yohji Yamamoto offers free downloadable fashions to create your own 'mystery garment' as well as loads of other goodies.
4:30 PM :

Wednesday, June 12, 2002

Our Lips Are Sealed (Urdu Version)

Extra-strength Excedrin really does relieve headache pain quicker than the leading brand. The time is right for an Evil Priest Doll, think of the marketing possibilities and the little Rectory carrying case, the Bishop could be outfitted with a special Cleric-Tracker system. With her power pop cover of the Madonna song 'Papa Don't Preach' soon to be superstar Kelly Osbourne is a welcome over-the-top addition to the over-saturated T & A no talent blond bimbo pop landscape.

Wholly uninteresting shit that I sometimes find fascinating.'Plagiarized literature and fake art are actually authentic and creative, writes Nick Groom. Oh please, groans Alex Beam, spare us the tiresome cliches of postmodernism' In a separate, comically sycophantic interview published on the magazine's (New Yorker) Web site the sample question: ''As a literary critic, can you distinguish sharply between allusion, pastiche, and outright copying?'' and if you are still interested...even more, on the book in question.
11:16 AM :

Tuesday, June 11, 2002
Ten Bloody Mary's and Ten How's Your Fathers...the city is a sweltering mass of concrete, office workers and traffic fighting an early summer heatwave. The humidity is high and I'm thankful I didn't 'dress up'- jeans and T-shirt. What do you wear to meet punk legend Elvis Costello? This isn't my gig, I'm only along as a cultural attache, goodwill ambassador of disaffected suburban youth and former Smash-Hits subscriber. Who am I kidding, I begged my friend to take me along, if only to shake the man's hand, get an autograph and make a bit of small talk. No photos, I was warned, since this is for some sort of charity event -record execs proving to be assholes once more. The cool dark Ritz Carlton bar is a refreshing pit stop where my compadre calms his nerves w/3 vodka tonics! I sip my Coke, he's normally very 'together' but somehow he's coming apart at his punk rock seems. Damn groupie, at last you surface, what a poser! We're eventually summoned to 'the room' where Declan Patrick MacManus is waiting, looking well rested, super cool jacket, handsome in a casual sort of way. I wonder if people call him EC, that's stupid, I'm dying to ask him about his appearance in 'Spice World' fuck, I wish I was doing the interview. He's 47 looks great, I'm staring, okay I try to look thoughtful and interested, I feel as if I have ADD, I feel like I'm watching myself on television, someone pinch me. I wonder if he secretly knows the last album I purchased was 'Punch The Clock'. I promise to buy this one, not to download it. He's perfected a coolness in a lounge-y way, a filtered version of the angry young man, avoids the term 'rock' or 'rock-and-roll' and stresses terms like 'rowdy' and 'raucous' and thankfully doesn't use the term 'creative' as a noun. He's spiky and punctuated, well spoken, and annoyed at having to talk about the meaning of his work, but remains silly, quirky, artful, tough yet amiable and introspective at the same time. Oh, it's over, we're up and 'thank you, right, handshakes, cool' are exchanged, he signs my copy of 'This Years Model' and we make small talk about his work on the first Specials album, he seems genuinely amused, I'm staring, and still talking, mmm fun, as I shout thanks Elvis, exiting the room.

Handmade or readymade, my search for the organic feel of a brush meets tech tool continues, as Max Kisman�s webzine, 'TRIBE 02: HANDMADE' asks: In the age of computers, do we still need our hands to make real hand-work? 'Although the computer has taken over many routine and automated tasks, it seems that most of us still look at it as just a tool. The instrument of choice for making graphic design in print, animation for television and information design on web sites. Even if it looks almost as if the virtual tools have taken over completely, we still use our hands.' Yes, but...I can't fake the feeling that I'm feeling, I still love paint, brush and color, the monitor will never replace the eye.
7:23 PM :

Monday, June 10, 2002
Blah blah blah Blog rifts, brown outs, bio-weapons, monkey pox, nerve gas, dirty bombs, terror alerts and media paranoia; It's going to be a long hot summer.

Come on back to Harpers Baazar Diana Vreeland, Diana Vreeland; Why don't you...

1. Sweep into the drawing-room on your first big night with an
enormous red-fox muff of many skins?

2. Put in a private staircase from your bedroom to the library
and have it carpeted with a needlepoint rug that spells out the
notes to your favorite tune.

3. Put all your dogs in bright yellow collars and leads like they do in Paris?
2:26 PM :

Sunday, June 09, 2002
30 mile (49 km) mountain biking trip through rural farming area. Hot, slightly dusty dirty back roads, sweat, the smell of sunscreen, wild honeysuckle, and various shirtless humpy boys. The trail hasn't changed much since last year, I think more people have discovered the route, and the old gas station has expanded, carrying 'Red Bull' and purified water. Still, little or no evidence of automobiles, just the cold dark canopy of trees and the sound of the nearby river, a few deer, and makeshift paths for crossing exceptionally swampy areas. I pull off a few cycling tricks, jostle unsuspecting friends, squirt my water bottle and torment other riders-my idea of fun. Midway, the turnabout is an old boat house built sometime in the 1800s, but has survived thanks to some nice restoration. I've gotten a seriously dark tan and I now look 'latino', my ass is beginning to get sore, shitski, I need a gel seat. Early Pan-Asian dinner, soba noodles, spicy orange rind, green tea and loads of water, under 7 bucks, file under cheap eats, this rocks.

I was meaning to...I meant that...a few weeks ago to...write about...this site named TWINK. Boy (Mike Langlie) finds toy piano at flea market and spawns a collection of toy instruments, which in turn spawns 25 solid whimsical compositions which results in a rather brilliant, yet wonderfully odd CD with lovely 32 page storybook. Entrancing, sprightly, unsettling, silly, hypnotic selections. The 'Bad Seed' meets the 'Ice Cream Truck From Hell', a wholly original package for a mere $10.98! Listen to a few of the Twink Mp3s, then browse the sinister-happy gallery of toy instruments. Mr. Mike is also the author of the exceptionally executed YipYop.
7:15 PM :